Retro: WCW Uncensored 1995

Unsanctioned, Unauthorised, Unbelivably Bad

It lasted just under 11 years but the WWE Network has finally closed (in most places). With that an awful lot of the WWE video library had an unclear home. Until it started showing up on YouTube. For the first time ever there’s a dedicated World Championship Wrestling YouTube channel, unsurprising given they shut down 4 years before YouTube existed. The whole library isn’t there (yet) but a random assortment of full Pay Per View events are available. So with it being 30 years ago last weekend (19th March), I thought I’d dive into Uncensored 1995.

The point of Uncensored as a show concept is that it’s all about grudge matches. All about personal animosity, no championships are involved. There are also “NO RULES” as the whole event is officially unsanctioned by WCW. Quite how WCW thinks a lack of rules works will become clear as the night progresses (spoiler alert: there are some rules).

The show opens with a video package to really drill home the idea that there are “NO RULES”. Tony Schiavone and Bobby Heenan are the commentary duo, they had an easy chemistry by this point and are genuinely one of the redeeming features of the night. They’re joined to preview the show by Mike Tenay, who’ll be serving as a roving reporter for the night.

Blacktop Bully vs Dustin Rhodes - King of the Road match

A staple of list articles and YouTube videos discussing the ‘Worst Gimmick Matches’. For reasons that will become obvious. Blacktop Bully is the former Demolition Smash, looking to get some sort of revenge on Dustin Rhodes after Bully was arrested for pushing Rhodes on an episode of WCW Saturday Night. That’s more backstory than commentary attempts to give. They’re fighitng on a moving truck, which is full of hay bales, and the only way to win is by sounding the trucks horn.
The ‘match’ is already underway when commentary throw to the (pre recorded) feed. If you can imagine a badly shot cage match featuring two wrestlers who can’t stand up properly, you’re at least halfway there. There are two cameras on the truck, one in a car alongside, and one in a helicopter overhead. You’ll learn this as the camera angle cuts incredibly often. And it sometimes takes a moment to admire a tree, or the sunset, or the truck drivers shoulder. It’s better than admiring the wresting.
Bobby Heenan is a deadpan delight on the call, alongside Tony Schiavone who must win an award for earnestly calling this like it’s Flair/Steamboat. At times watching it is a genuinely surreal experience, it doesn’t resemble a wrestling match, it often doesn’t even resemble a sloppy fight. There’s an awful lot of staggering about and falling into hay, which might resemble a fight depending on how rural your upbringing was. At one point the truck has to slow to a halt so a ‘Church Bus’ can pass, on it’s way to try and salvage the soul of whoever came up with this mess.
One of the reasons the editing is so choppy is that both men bled during the match, and this was against WCW policy at the time. If you look carefully you can tell but it explains the wide shots. The ‘match’ just sort of ends with no real climax as Blacktop Bully sounds the horn.
Both men would soon be fired for bleeding intentionally in this match. Although it’s charitable to say ‘match’. I honestly think that Dustin Rhodes and Blacktop Bully did as good a job as possible under the circumstances, they are just dreadful circumstances. Misawa would struggle to have an interesting match on a moving platform covered in hay. The only circumstance that might make a similar match interesting would be if it were shot in full 2020 height of the pandemic cinematic style. With requisite budget and editing.

Something resembling a standard wrestling show then breaks out as Arn Anderson, with Col. Robert Parker and Meng, is backstage with Mike Tenay. Decent promo from Anderson, with his Television Championship belt round his waist. This would actually be his last championship run in wrestling (he lost it to The Renegade, more on him later). Parker takes over the promo to talk about Meng, and how he knows nine styles of Martial Arts (nine!). Tenay cuts him off and throws to a package about Meng and how we got to the coming match.

Jim Duggan vs Meng - Martial Arts match

I do’t know about you, but when I hear the words ‘Martial Arts’ I think of Jim Duggan. He was a high school wrestler after all. Although I somehow don’t think that’s the kind of ‘Martial Arts’ WCW were thinking of when they put this match together. Meng appears to be wearing a very kitsch tablecloth in what must have been the WCW wardrobe department’s attempt at a Japanese robe. The referee is the future Sonny Onoo, and he is wearing a karategi, to let you the viewer know that the Martial Arts part of this match is being taken very seriously. It’s Martial Arts rules written by someone who’s understanding of Martial Arts came from watching Game of Death and thinking Kareem Abdul Jabar was the main character.
The match takes forever to get started after a lot of pantomiming about bowing. When it does start, there are a lot of strikes and the pinfalls are counted in Japanese. There are no rules (remember) so Duggan uses his boots as weapons. The rare art of Boot Kune Do on show. Meng does a lot of nerve holds, Duggan gets stuck in his own ripped t-shirt. Two offensive arsenals of the same power. There’s little reliability to the no rules, with Onoo randomly trying to get both wrestlers out of the ropes, and sometimes just letting them do it. The finish is a fairly perfunctory ‘Savate Kick’ from Meng whilst Col. Parker and Onoo are holding Duggan back (for different reasons). The best part of the match is when Heenan makes a Cher joke after calling Onoo ‘Sonny Bono’.

Johnny B. Badd vs Arn Anderson - Boxer vs Wrestler match

Anderson is a Television Champion as a wrestler, Badd is a former boxer, so naturally the’ve made some convoluted rules for a boxer vs wrestler match. Anderson is 37 at this point, looks about a decade older, and cuts his second promo of the night in a pretaped video. This is also the second match in a row with Col. Robert Parker at ringside.
Despite this being Uncensored (where there are no rules), there are a lot of rules in play. Anderson is able to win by pinfall or submission only, Badd has to win by knockout, and is also wearing boxing gloves. It’s not a worked boxing match as Anderson is trying to do some wrestling, it’s just very weird. As I was watching I wondered if they were just throwing it together as they went, it didn’t give off the impression either man really knew what to do, good workers though they both were.
Anderson spends most of the first round backing away from Badd. Commentary mention the infamously dull Muhammad Ali/Antonio Inoki fight as a possible tactical inspiration for Anderson. The fact watching that match seems more appealing that this opening round says a lot. Round two is scarcely more interesing. Rope-a-dope but the viewer is the dope.
After judiciously sticking to the rules during the match to that point Anderson decides to attack before Round 3 actually starts. Because there are no rules, except when you want to follow them, when there are rules. Round 3 is Anderson’s turn to be in charge. It is marginally more interesting in the way that watching two colours of paint dry at once is better than watching one colour. Badd’s coach, Roc Finnegan, even gets briefly involved. By the time Round 4 starts Anderson has a bucket on his head. Badd takes off his left glove and hits a one punch knockout to Anderson for the win. One wonders why he wore the gloves in the first place.

There are no rules. But you need gloves, because boxing.

Randy Savage vs Avalanche

The first match of the night that doesn’t have a special stipulation attached. Beyond there being ‘NO RULES’ of course. Savage has a typically off the wall interview backstage with Mike Tenay pre-match, Tenay looks like he might break at any moment. A very 'tell not show’ introduction for Savage from ring announcer Gary Capetta, Savage is very charismatic and exciting.
Savage is straight on to Avalanche right away but can’t knock the big man down, that being the main thread of the match. It’s the most recognisably wrestling match of the night to this point. With some added brawling on the floor because there is nothing on this show that won’t be improved by loudly reminding you the viewer that there are ‘NO RULES’. Because Savage is involved (and to a lesser Avalanche) the action isn’t all that bad, but neither man gets out of bottom gear for sure.
The whole things skids off the rails at the end when in Schiavone’s words “some lady” jumps the crowd barricade and attacks Savage on the floor. A decent effort is made by the camera crew to hide the attackers face but the crowd can tell it’s Ric Flair ages before he takes his wig off. Admirable committment to the bit for the then 11 time World Champion, eye makeup, painted nails, a very long skirt, and heels. Hulk Hogan runs down to save the day for Savage and the match just ends, it’s called as a disqualification win for Savage. This is Uncensored, where there are ‘NO RULES’, except when there are. A passable if nothing match with a desperaly illogical finish.

Another backstage promo with Mike Tenay, this time Harlem Heat and Sister Sherri get cut off before they’ve finished and we move on.

Sting vs Big Bubba Rogers

A match with a surprisingly lengthy backstory, Sting and Rogers had issues going all the way back to Fall Brawl in September the previous year. Another Gene Oklund narrated video package lays this all out. And then we get live Sting, with Mike Tenay. Sting is very hyped as he often was. Big Bubba makes his entrance dressed like he’s just auditioned for Bugsy Malone. He must have been rejected for being too old.
The match kicks off with Sting biting Bubba’s hand, and using bits of his clothing as weapons. Sting leg drops Bubba’s hat and he reacts as if Sting just shot him in the chest, or splurged if you wish to stick with Bugsy Malone. A lot of Sting on top to start with, the show finally resembling pro wrestling for an extended period. The ceiling is only ‘half decent’ but it’s at least in the ballpark of watchable. Sting tweaks his knee so Bubba takes over. The vaguest shadow of technical limb work passes over the match as Bubba beats Sting down. It gets an awful lot less interesting as it continues and continues but eventually Sting does get a moment of spotlight again. The finish comes when Sting tries to lift Bubba, he knee buckles and Bubba lands on top of Sting for a three count.
A flat finish for what was probably the most forgettable match on the card, by virtue of being the best and still being mediocre. Not bad enough or weird enough to stick in the mind.

The Nasty Boys (Brian Knobbs & Jerry Sags) vs Harlem Heat (Booker T & Stevie Ray) - Texas Tornado, Falls Count Anywhere

These two teams spend a lot of time fighting each other in the mid 90s. The pre match video package lays out their history so far before a Nasty Boys promo so gravelly and shouted you hope they didn’t lose their voices. WCW could have cross promoted with throat lozenges, they’d have been great spokesman.
Sister Sherri enters by herself, and once the Nasty Boys make it to the ring, Harlem Heat sneak attack them from being. A big uninteresting brawl breaks out, everyone is legal at once (because it is both Texas Tornado rules and Uncensored (where there are ‘NO RULES’)). Brian Knobbs shrugs off a spike piledriver as if he’s working a third night of BOLA 8 man PWG spotfest. Not a single ill effect. The Nasty Boys turn things around, things stay bland. Stevie Ray gets stuffed into a bin that still has things in it. I really hope he didn’t get a stomach bug (it happens).
The fight heads over to some food concession stands and gets marginally more diverting. It becomes a bit of a food fight, people slip over, there’s funnel cake. All the ingredients for a great evening of entertainment. Some pratfalls Norman Wisdom would be proud of. Everyone is covered in mustard, it looks gross. The match ends with what Schiavone terms “a pinfall in the popcorn area”. Naturally because this show is off the rails already, we don’t see the pinfall on camera.

Vader takes the microphone from Mike Tenay and screams a promo about Hulk Hogan before being joined by Ric Flair, who still has eye makeup and painted nails. Flair is going to (in his words) “become the masterplan”. You get the distinct vibe than neither man wants to let the other have the last word.

Hulk Hogan vs Vader - Leather Strap match

A lengthy video package for this many layered main event. Ric Flair is in Vader’s corner, Jimmy Hart has been apparently kidnapped from Hogan’s. Hogan instead has his own personal Ultimate Warrior tribute, The Renegade.
Michael Buffer is on hand to do introductions as he often did for main event matches. He runs down both men’s lengthy list of accolades. Vader doesn’t have his United States title belt with him, Hogan does have the World Heavyweight title. It’s a strap match with the ‘touch four corners rule’, but neither man will spend much time in the match actually trying to do this. Renegade didn’t show up with Hogan but does appear moments into the match, with the kind of introduction that makes you wonder if people really did think he was the Ultimate Warrior, even just for a second.
Hogan was never afraid of taking the low road so he enjoys the ‘NO RULES’ early on with bites and chokes. Renegade neutralises Flair on the outside as not an awful lot happens in the match.
Hogan takes a very slow beating. Jimmy Hart shows up in a ripped shirt after escaping his kidnapping. A lot of smoke and mirrors in play that don’t manage to disguise that it’s a very dull match. When they fight to the floor they don’t explore the space, just standing around the bottom of the entraceway.
Nothing much of any interest happens until a ‘Masked Man’ comes to ringside and attacks Renegade. ‘Masked Men’ would be a running thorn in Hogan’s side for most of 1995. Hogan essentially swaps out Vader for Flair and drags Flair around the ring, touches all four corners and is declared the match. An insult to nonsense everywhere.

The ‘Masked Man’ runs back down but it becomes clear it isn’t the same ‘Masked Man’ as earlier. It’s Randy Savage instead, who tied up the other ‘Masked Man’ from earlier and is down to help Hogan. The first attacker was seemingly Arn Anderson as he is shown tied up trying to hop to the ring.

What a weird way to end the show.

Overall

Where to start? When the best thing all night is a medicore Sting vs Big Bubba match and Bobby Heenan on commentary, you know it’s a bad one. Plenty of comedy is on show, however unintentionally. There is slapstick, there are cariacatures, there’s surrealism, more slapstick, some insult comedy from Heenan.

It kicks off with a match that deserves to be featured in all those countless YouTube lists. If your idea of wrestling is two men struggling to stand followed by shots of some trees, then have at it. It then takes in two matches that both have rules and don’t, a singles match with no rules that ends with a disqualification, another one that ends with someone falling over. And a main event that feels four times longer than it is. By itself that features a masked secret attacker, a kidnapping that gets forgotten about, a second kidnapping, and Hogan winning despite not following the rules. Because there are no rules.

If you want a show to fundamentally challenge your understanding of basic concepts such as logic, this is it. If you need a reason to tie your mind in knots, try and explain the goings on on this show to someone who doesn’t follow wrestling. If all this show does is provide you with a thought experiment, then it is worth a watch.